


Separation Anxiety

by whiskey_hicks



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskey_hicks/pseuds/whiskey_hicks
Summary: Just days before his wedding wandering amnesiac mercenary Kinnison Shields, begins to succumb to a sudden, deadly illness causing him to take drastic and desperate measures to hopefully save himself.





	1. A Hard Goodbye

Kinnison had all of a sudden woke up in the middle of the night in a bed. He looked around him and noticed all the lights had been turned off in the Shirogane house that he was living in. He quickly attempted to recollect the memories of the past few hours, he quickly remembered it was the night before his wedding. He all of a sudden felt a horrible feeling in his stomach, he quickly ran out of bed, across the hall into the bathroom, and proceeded to vomit into the toilet.

As the hyur stood there on his knees breathing laboriously he looked down at the contents of his vomit, it was pitch-black and smelled of something very bleak. He turned on the lights in the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, they were there again, the black lines. This had been an issue for the last week or so now, the mercenary turned ex-bartender had sudden episodes of fainting, weakness, pain, vomiting, and the appearance of blackness in what was clearly his veins. His soon-to-be-wife, Harue, was doing everything in her power to help him, cleaning up whatever was in his body with her Aether stores. But the process was exhausting, even now she was dead asleep unable to even process the going-ons of right now.

Suddenly Kinnison fell to the ground, unable to get back up, he felt weak, powerless as he tried his best to move his mangled, scarred, and heavy body off of the floor. And as he laid on his back he decided he had no choice as he asked, "Jaspar, are you there?"

For the uninformed "Jaspar" was the aetherical entity that was transplanted into Kinnison when he was still under service to the Garleans. As part of a project to make him a stronger, remorseless soldier, before he was just a ball of aether in someone's body he was an Abalathian berserker of some renown. Since the Battle of Cartenau the entity and Kinnison have had a strenuous, but symbiotic relationship. The hyur consistently had issue controlling the berserker-like rage that laid within him through Jaspar but with help from Harue he was doing better. In reality it was believed that soon Jaspar was going to attempt to part from Kinnison, and tread back into the Aether where he felt he rightfully belonged. "Jaspar, please listen, this is important."

There was several instances of silence and then all off a sudden Kinnison spoke again, but in a much lower tone, "Like I have anywhere else to go, what do you want?"

"Jaspar, what's wrong with me? Why am I so sick?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm poisoning you."

Silence filled the bathroom as Kinnison laid there staring up at the ceiling, contemplating the words Jaspar just spoke. "I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah, I'm poisoning you, aetherically. That's why you're like this."

"...Why?"

"Because Kinnison, I don't like you. I've never liked you. I have watched you for over a decade now, following the orders of horrible people, doing horrible things, hurting other people. And now you get to have a happily ever after? You get to have a life filled with people who love and respect you? Do you not see the unfairness? Do you not see the total lack of justice?"

"What is justice Jaspar, killing me? I live with the fact daily that I have done horrific atrocities to humanity that I don't even remember anymore, I sometimes go to bed hearing the screams of innocent people. Dying won't bring them back, all I can do is live a better life, do better, be better, and help every person I come across."

"No! That is not Justice! You have been given all the kindness in the world Shields, and you deserve nothing. That is why you are being poisoned, and when you are weakened, and almost dying, I will snuff you out like a dying flame and I will be the dominant Aether source in your body. I will be in control, and I can live the life you never properly deserved."

"That wasn't the plan Jaspar, you were supposed to leave, go back to the Aether. Find your wife. There was a plan, we all had a plan."

"You of all people should know by now Shields... plans change. So just let it happen, just die, I promise you I will be a good husband to Harue. I will be a good friend to everyone. The world will be a better without you."

The hyur continued to lay on the floor, realizing that he looked to be suddenly running out of options. He couldn't ask Harue to help him, she had done enough already, she had tried her best to make it right, and now she laid in her bed tired and exhausted. He couldn't keep doing this to her. He began to shed tears as he realized he only had one option left, and he didn't like it all. But if his options were to do this or allow Jaspar's plan to come to fruition and lie to everyone around him, he chose this.

Using every fiber of his being Kinnison quickly rose from his prone position and stood back up as he slowly, staggeringly moved out of the bathroom. He bellowed in the lower tone, "What do you think you are doing?"

"What I should have done when I realized how much of a problem you were."

Over the span of 15 minutes Kinnison gathered all of his clothes and wares together in a singular bag. In the end Harue had provided so much in this house, it was all hers to begin with, truthfully all Kinnison truly needed was her and he was happy, everything else was just details. And as he gathered up the last of his last personal effects he wrote out a letter:

* * *

> _Bright Eyes,_
> 
>   
>  _I have a feeling I know what I need to do, I need to talk to mom and dad about it so I'm going home for a bit. I'm sorry, I have to do this alone. Everything will be alright, please take care of yourself, keep your chin up. I hope I can be in your arms again soon, a better, healthier man._
> 
> _I love you,_  
>  _Kinni_
> 
> * * *

He left the letter on the pillow he laid his head in bed. He looked down at Harue for what felt like could be the last time, trying his absolute best to remember every contour, nook, and cranny of her from her green hair to her slender hips. He sighed as he said, "I love you Harue, I'm sorry."

Echoing in his head he hear Jaspar tell him, "You never deserved her. Look what you did to her, look what you caused. You should have learned this long ago, there is no happy ending with you. Everything you touch ends in disaster, because you're a monster."

Kinnison walked out of the bedroom as he uttered to himself, "I'm only a monster because you made me one," he continued slowly shambling up the stairs, leaving his key to the house on the kotatsu as he put his shoes and left, locking himself out. It was likely the last time he would ever see the inside of this house.

"You think I made you this way? My friend, I have been the failsafe that has allowed you to keep you from making things worse! You're the problem! You're the liability! And I'm tired of having to deal with you."

"Well if luck has its way... you won't have to worry about that any longer."

Using what was left of his aether Kinnison quickly floated into the air and teleported out of Shirogane as he shifted across the seas back to Ul'Dah, the Goblet. As he materialized and came too he quickly fell into a rose-bush as he vomited once again and passed out in the yard of the Orphan Vagabond Mercenary Company House.


	2. Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Kinnison safely back at the mercenary company house he used to live at he pleads with his "mother" for help, meanwhile the infirmed's mentor shows up to his house to see what is the matter with him.

Light, it was the first thing Kinnison felt and noticed when he started feel lucid again. He opened his eyes and noticed the ceiling, he was familiar with it but he had not seen it for a while. He shifted his eyes about noticing the stone walls as well, he shut his eyes again and remarked, "You were right, it seems like every minute detail is here. Your magic continues to amaze me, mom."

Sitting to his left in a chair a pale miqo'te man with long black hair, Aldi'ir Imbri was the leader of the Orphan Vagabond Mercenary company and he often went by the codename of "Mom" because of his penchant to nurture and help the others in the company. "How long was I facedown in the bush until someone noticed?"

"Not much, Ava found you when she came out to water it. You should probably apologize to her for throwing up in her plants."

"How long have I been out?"

"3 days."

Kinnison sighed, knowing full well that the wedding had clearly been cancelled now, a singular tear streamed down his face. He attempted to wipe it but he felt his arm bound to the bed, he tried to move his body and felt it was bound as well. "I am assuming there's a reasonable explanation for this, right?" he asked.

"On the day of your wedding you all of a sudden stood up and tried to act like nothing was wrong, when we locked your door you attempted to break it down to leave. In the end this seemed like the soundest plan and we figured you wouldn't mind."

Kinnison sighed, realizing he was starting to lose more and more control of his body as he stayed alive. "How long has Jaspar been allowed to control you, Kinni?"

"...I let him, a couple of times, because it seemed like the right thing to do."

"Even though I told you, on many occasions, that each time you let him take control like that it'll be easier for him to do it?"

"Yeah, I get it, 'mother knows best,' I think I'm clearly paying for it now, wouldn't you say? I basically walked out on my wife and chances are every friend I have thinks I'm a villain."

"So why are you here, Kinni? Is this where you want to die?"

"...Well I was hoping maybe Dad and you had an idea."

"Son, we've had ideas to help you for ages now. You were the one who claimed you had control of Jaspar," Aldi'ir mimicked Kinnison low tones as he continued, "I think I have a plan to handle him, don't worry."

"Yeah, I get it, I should have known better than to have a plan. I've never been a 'plan' person."

"If by 'never been a 'plan person' you mean just jump in head first and hope someone pulls you out of the fray, then yes you never were one."

"Mom, please, the scolding is not helping right now. I'm already in a bad spot and I'm dying on top of that. Can you help me?"

Silence filled the room as Aldi'ir put his hand to his chin and said, "I'll have to talk to your father and sisters first, I hope you understand. Get some rest Kinni."

Not really having a choice in the matter Kinnison nestled into his bed from his bound position and shut his eyes, he asked Aldi'ir before he could leave, "Could you dim the lights please? I won't be able to sleep like this."

The miqo'te hummed an affirmation as he willingly dimmed the lights as he left. Exiting Kinnison's room Aldi'ir heard a commotion coming from the commons. He exited the private halls to see Ava, holding back what appeared to be a young, short hyur man with green hair. He was yelling, "Get out of my way Mr. Kinnison's sister! He needs my help!"

"Ava, sweetie, let him go, I'll handle it."

The purple-haired miqo'te quickly allowed Koji to side step her as she stepped outside while massaging her temples. That guy was far too loud for his own good. He rushed towards Aldi'ir but was unable to get past him as he was quickly grabbed on to and made to look him in the eye, "Nothing can be done here for Kinni now. Where I you, I would go home, and light incense for him. The kami need to be in his favor now."

The green-haired man teared up as he weepingly said, "How can you tell me that? Mr. Kinnison is my mentor, he has taught me everything I know! If nothing can be done for him, then a way needs to be made! Now!"

"Koji, Jaspar is taking over Kinni, something needs to be done, yes. But there's nothing you can do, these events our beyond your understanding."

The fight fighter stopped struggling in Aldi'ir's grasp as he looked at him slightly tear-stained, "J-Jaspar? Who is Jaspar?!"

"Kinni never explained it to you? Because... it's a very long story..."

Koji put his hand up in trying to stop Aldi'ir from trying to explain it, he put his hand to his chin as he thought long and hard and said, "I got it."

"You... got it?"

"Yes, the sudden transformations of my friends, people disappearing all of a sudden, and now Kinnison is getting possessed... Jaspar is the evil wizard that's causing all these problems!"

Aldi'ir put his hand to his forehead as the headache he felt coming on was about to be quite unbearable. Admittedly Kinnison had told him about Koji's predilection to blame going-ons to some mythical, all-powerful wizard, he honestly thought he was kidding. But here he saw it, a 21-year-old man truly believing a wizard was the cause of all these problems. "Koji... listen to yourself."

"Oh I'm listening to myself quite easily Mr. Kinnison's mom, it all makes sense, it's all a dastardly plan! We have to stop him before Mr. Kinnison is posessed!"

"Ok, let's entertain your notion Koji, an all-powerful wizard is causing all of these problems. What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm... I'm going to punch him, and keep punching him until he stops all of this!"

"Ok, but he's a powerful wizard, and you're just a kid with a pair of fists. Do you want to think this through?"

Koji backed off as he looked at Aldi'ir with full intent and said, "I am not just a pair of fists."

"Is that a fact?"

"Yeah... I have a pair of feet too. I am going to find Jaspar and I will beat him into submission!"

And with that Koji proceeded to run to the door, the pale miqo'te man said, "While you're out if you want to actually be helpful can you get some unaspected crystals please?"

He was gone, Aldi'ir hoped the kid heard at least something he said, "...I'd pray for that boy but I don't think even gods can help him."


End file.
